Spaceship:Default Rejection Messages

From TextAdventure

In the inform language, there are a stock of default rejection messages that will be displayed in the event that the player attempts an action that achieves nothing. Most IF authors customize these messages to fit the context of the game rather than leave the boring defaults. Remember that our adventure is set in a spaceship, there is no atmosphere and our protagonist is inside a spacesuit. So, for example, I've written a a possible replacement for Answer or Ask, and Burn that fit the context of the game a little better. We can have as many messages as we like per action, which will be delivered randomly. All the original defaults are marked in italics as a guideline. I think this is all pretty self explanatory, just dive in and add your own descriptions below the action heading. Remember that these are generic REJECTION messages, so no writing things like Jump: You jump straight through the roof of the ship and get your head stuck in a nearby asteroid.

Contents 1 Answer, Ask 2 Attack 3 Blow 4 Burn 5 Buy 6 Climb 7 Consult 8 Cut 9 Dig 10 Drink 11 Eat 12 Fill 13 Jump 14 JumpOver 15 Kiss 16 Listen 17 LookUnder 18 Pray 19 Sing 20 Sleep 21 Smell 22 StandardRejection 23 Swim 24 Swing 25 StandardDeath 26 StandardWin 27 Taste 28 Think 29 Wait 30 Wake 31 WakeOther 32 WaveHands 33 New Verb Rejections 33.1 Suggestion regarding swearwords

Answer, Ask

There is no reply.

You hear nothing except the sound of your own breathing.

No reply; it seems your invisible friend isn't talking to you.

You're in Space! If they can't hear you scream, they certainly can't hear that!

"Goddamn it Jim, I'm a game, not a computer!"

Attack

Violence isn't the answer to this one.

Whatever you were attacking made its saving throw. You lose 5 seconds of your existence.

Mastering all your ninja skills, you launch a devastating attack... And fail miserably.

Mustering up your pirating abilities, you head towards your target... And do nothing but say "Arrr!"

Blow

You can't usefully blow (the thing)

The last thing you want to do in spaceship with no oxygen is to open up your helmet to blow that.

You blow. Oh and you can't do whatever you just tried to do.

Blowing sucked.

Burn

This dangerous act would achieve little.

There is no oxygen here to burn anything.

Many things are possible in a spacesuit, but operating a Zippo just isn't one of them.

Fire Bad.

It would be foolish to waste oxygen on an operation which would (I can confidentially assure you) move you no closer to repairing your stricken vessel.

Buy

Nothing is on sale.

You are all alone on a spaceship in, as far as you can discern, the absolute centre of nowhere. Not only are there no shops, but the intergalactic hypermarkets, famed as they are for rapacious expansion (even swallowing small systems just for additional convenient spaceship parking), have no papers submitted with the appropriate planning authorities to build anything anywhere near here between now and the end of eternity. There is, you can be sure, nothing to buy.

You must have left your wallet in your other spacesuit.

Your money is no good here.

With what?

Climb

I don't think much is to be achieved by that.

Why climb when in zero gravity you can jump?

After several failed attempts, you ponder what could be achieved by climbing here. You realise that the answer is "nothing", and so you resolve to approcah the problem another way.

Consult

You discover nothing of interest in (the thing)

(the thing) has nothing to share that will help you.

Cut

Cutting (that or those) up would achieve little.

Cutting (that or those) won't quell the bloodlust.

(That or those) will not be censored.

This is no film. The only way to stop it is to repair the ship or go crazy trying to.

What? Are you an emo kid or something?

Done. "Take two, action!"

Dig

Digging would achieve nothing here.

You'd have to have a pretty powerful shovel to dig through this spaceship's hull.

Nobody else would be interested in this webpage.

Oh you dig. You dig real heavy. Unfortunately, your spaceship's still knackered.

Drink

There's nothing suitable to drink here.

Your spacesuit's moisture recycling unit provides all the water you need. If nothing else, the taste is enough to stop you feeling thirsty.

Hitting the bottle so soon?

Planetside, drinking *is* the answer to everything. Here, not so much.

Eat

(That's) plainly inedible

You may be sick to death of freeze-dried space ice cream, but really, that's plainly inedible.

That object is as inedible as coriander. And you detest coriander.

While it may be true that you are hungry, it's success for which you starve. As such, oral administration is unlikely to quell the urge that you feel.

Fill

But there's no water to carry here.

You're in space silly. If you fill it, it will float.

Phil is out at the moment, please leave a message after the tone. If you wish to re-record your message, please press one.

There's no water here, and your spacesuit takes care of your body's waste in a far more elegant manner to that which you're suggesting.

Jump

You jump on the spot, fruitlessly.

You jump up, floating both feet to the roof where you you hit your head and bounce back to the floor.

You jump on the spot, enjoying the new heights you can reach out here in space. Sadly the distraction does nothing to help your predicament.

(Whilst grav on) You could if your feet could touch the floor

JumpOver

You would achieve nothing by this.

You leap into the air, your suit catches on the wall, and you find yourself performing a balletic mid-air pirouette right back to where you started from.

Kiss

Keep your mind on the game.

You bend forward planting your lips on the inside of your helmet.

Your lips touch the fiberglass of the helmet. Fiberglass does not taste good.

It kisses you right back, now you both feel awkward

Listen

You hear nothing unexpected.

You hear nothing but the clunk clunk of far off machinery, punctuated by the occasional mechanical wheeze (which is worrisome).

You helmet echoes faintly with the sound of the sea, as if you were holding a seashell to your ear. You sigh whistfully, remembering your favourite beach back on planet Zorg.

(Without air pressure) No sound can travel outside your suit. The extreme silence however, amplifies your every step, every breath right down to your every heartbeat to deafening levels.

LookUnder

You find nothing of interest.

With great difficulty you manoeuvre yourself down to the floor to peek underneath, your suit rendering this apparently simple action almost unbearably complicated. After much swearing you finally get a good look... There's nothing there.

You find some mauve dust, but, mindful of your health and safety training, you decide not to touch it.

Pray

Nothing practical results from your prayer.

Your prayer has been answered! The answer is "No".

Your prayer has been answered! The answer is "Outlook So-So".

Your prayer has been answered! The answer is "Compiler error: line 34.56".

Your prayer has been answered! The answer is "A suffusion of yellow."

Your prayer has been answered! The answer is "42."

Much like this text adventure, a higher power has already set your destiny and your prayers will change nothing.. best crack on.

Sing

Your singing is abominable.

For a precious moment, the dull thunk of far-off machinery is overpowered by your angelic voice.

Karaoke night just isn't the same without the rest of the crew.

In space, no one can hear you sing. Thankfully.

(First time) You casually utter a few notes of Ave Maria, and repent as the sound is amplified to cacophonous intensity by your helmet.

(Second time onwards) Uh-uh. Your ears have had enough Mozart for today.

Please don't.

Sleep

You aren't feeling especially drowsy.

If you really want to sleep, go back to your quarters.

Ah, sleep. There would be no waking if you do, though.

You close your eyes for a fraction of a second, and one of the few serviceable systems on board the spacecraft - the auto-stasis generator - kicks into action. When you awake, a thousand and twenty-four years of Earth time have passed, the spaceship is still kaput, and you don't feel any less tired.

Smell

You smell nothing unexpected.

It's really not advisable to take off your helmet when there's no oxygen in the ship.

Ugh! You smell astronaut in spacesuit. Probably should clean this suit more often.

It smells like sweat. Yours.

Mmmmm. It smells like.. spacesuit, recycled breath and.. urine?!

You recall a story about a dog with no nose.

StandardRejection

That's not something you need to refer to in the course of this game.

What are you doing? You have a spaceship to fix. Stop wasting time.

Computer says no.

You start doing that, then pondering the futility of it, get back to the task at hand: fixing the spaceship.

Honestly, if you want to waste your time on futile crap like that, you ought to be playing The Sims.

Swim

There's not enough water to swim in.

In space? You flail your arms and legs around for a while and feel very silly.

You float horizontally and make swimming motions in the air. You chuckle quietly to yourself, this would be funnier with the crew here.

Swing

There's nothing sensible to swing here.

You need to be married first. And own a hot-tub.

Without gravity, you're unable to.

Looks like you forgot the keys to your spaceship. Oh well. Next time.

You break into an uproarious rendition of "La Mer". Bobby Darin would be delighted if he was here with you, helping you fix a broken spaceship. As it is, wherever he is, you can guarantee he's having a better time than you are right now.

StandardDeath

You have died

(Note, this text is supposed to be short. It is displayed as a separate paragraph such-as *** You have died ***. Longer text could be displayed as specific death messages related to specific actions.)

As your last breath escapes your blue, oxygen-deprived lips, you faintly hear the opening strains of Strauss' Also Sprach Zarathustra.

As your last breath escapes your blue, oxygen-deprived lips, you faintly hear the opening strains of Technotronic's Pump Up The Jam. Strange. Hell is real.

You die. Let's see what you could have won... WOW! A top of the range speedboat! Tough luck...

Your death makes you the weakest link. Goodbye.

Asphyxiation is not a painless way to go. You seem to have run out of alternatives, though.

Death is not the end. Oh, sorry, yes it is. You're Dead. The End.

You died. Actually, can I just break the fourth wall for a minute here? You didn't die. You probably know this. When I say "you" here, I mean the nonexistent avatar we've both accepted as a way for you to relate to, and interface with, this game. Whatever. You screwed up. I hope you saved!

pwnd by a text adventure, way to go!

StandardWin

You have won

(Note, this text is supposed to be short. It is displayed as a separate paragraph such-as *** You have won ***. Longer text could be displayed as part of the winning action.)

"This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: Huge success. ..."

Congratulations, let's see your prize... WOW! A classic caravan circa 1972!

ZOMG GRATZ

Taste

You taste nothing unexpected.

It's a shame you don't have any.

Given that the results are utterly inconclusive, you kinda wish you hadn't put that on your tongue.

Mmm. Tastes like ... space chicken

taste? can you see what you're wearing?

Think

What a good idea.

After a moment's contemplation, the solution is clear.

Thinking just wastes valuable oxygen. This is a time for action!

Most of the oxygen you inhale goes to your brain. It better be worth it.

You think for a while. After a while, you forget what you were thinking about. Then you think about trying to remember it. After a while you realise that thinking hasn't helped you in this situation - perhaps you'd better try something else.

Wait

Time passes.

Nothing happens.

You die a little inside.

Space is timeless. An hour passes. Or was it a minute?

The little time imps just stole five precious minutes of your pathetic life. I hope you're proud.

While you wait, some very significant events occur. None of them affect your situation in the slightest though - so will you please DO SOMETHING.

Wake

The dreadful truth is, this is not a dream.

Last time you woke up, you were stranded in deep space with no atmosphere and no hope of rescue. You're not keen to try it again.

You open your eyes to find you are still here and nothing has changed.

You can't shake the feeling of claustrophobia. Claustrophobia in space! This is no dream, for sure.

After trying various techniques (pinching yourself and so on), all with no success, you decide that even if this is a dream, you'd better make the best of the situation.

WakeOther

That seems unnecessary

Let sleeping dogs lie. Wait, is it a dog? I wasn't really concentrating.

WaveHands

You wave, feeling foolish.

You just don't care with your hands in the air! Or, y'know, vacuum.

New Verb Rejections

(experimental section, needs a little thought)

Cry: You try to cry but the lack of gravity means that the tears just create a thick film over your eyes which temporarily blinds you.

Waaaaah! Waaaaah! My ship's buggered! I'm likely to die! And all I want to do is sit in a puddle of self-pity instead of saving myself! Waaaaah!

Scream: You're in space! Idiot.

No one hears you.

Kneel: Zod's not here. Yet.

Piss: The spacesuit absorbs your urine.

Shit: The spacesuit takes care of your 'business'.

Fuck: Can't. No condoms.

The spacesuit just wants to be friends. And will never call you ever again.

Arse: It's fun to swear!

Fart: You smell something very, very wrong in your spacesuit. Moan: Life is just one long trauma for you isn't it.

Trouser: There is nothing here to trouser.

Kill: You already have twelve ASBOs.

There's no-one to kill. Fix the spaceship, get to Nineteen, and then Mr Crowbar will dance in the red puddle of peace.

Stroll: Your strolling days are over.

Mince: You tried mincing once and look where it got you.

Canter: You make a cantering noise but don't move. You feel less self-assured.

Can't. No coconuts.

Tune: There is no fork.

"The Safety Dance", by Men Without Hats. Tune!

Dump: The dump-hole looks unsanitary.

Creep: You try to creep but you are too oafish.

Sorry, you are not a weirdo.

Scale: You try to make it bigger but it just won't grow.

Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do!

You need 500 more rupees to afford the zora's scale.

Cock: Sadly, the spacesuit makes masturbation impossible.

Cunt: Sadly, the spacesuit makes masturbation impossible.

Run: Just assume that all future interactions between yourself and the game happen a bit quicker.

Walk: Which way?

xyzzy: There are no mines in this location.

Suggestion regarding swearwords

Each time a new swearword is entered, respond with the next phrase from the following sequence (more need to be added):

• My, aren't you clever? Know any more?
• Yes, we thought of that one too. Did you really expect it to do anything?
• You do know you can look at naked pictures on the internet, right? This game seems a somewhat misguided target for your adolescent rantings.
• (and so on)...